


A Wonderful Watermelon

by DandelionDrabbles (AnonymousDandelion)



Series: Dialogue Prompt Fills [4]
Category: Good Omens (Radio), Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale and Crowley Have Their Picnic (Good Omens), Banter, Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Fluff, Gen, Humor, Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M, Picnics, Watermelons, friendship dialogue prompt, idioms, ineffables vs. watermelon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:34:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27422044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymousDandelion/pseuds/DandelionDrabbles
Summary: “Wow,” Aziraphale said, scanning the picnic centerpiece, “that is a ridiculously big watermelon.”Crowley paused in the act of dramatically spinning a knife, presumably in preparation for carving into the (undeniably massive) melon. “Is that a problem?”(Friendship dialogue prompt fill #1.)
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Dialogue Prompt Fills [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996120
Comments: 19
Kudos: 64
Collections: Aspec-friendly Good Omens





	A Wonderful Watermelon

**Author's Note:**

> 500 words this time. I really should have known better than to expect myself to succeed in sticking to the same word count goal for this series — four works in and we're already going overlong. Ah, well. :-)  
> See prompt in end notes.

“Wow,” Aziraphale said, scanning the picnic centerpiece, “that is a ridiculously big watermelon.”

Crowley paused in the act of dramatically spinning a knife, presumably in preparation for carving into the (undeniably massive) melon. “Is that a problem?”

“I love it,” Aziraphale hastened to reassure. “Not a problem at all — quite the contrary. Watermelon is scrumptious. The more, the better.”

Crowley resumed knife-twirling. “It was the biggest one I could find.”

“I believe you.”

“Did it the human way, too,” Crowley said proudly. “Went to five different supermarkets, picked it out by hand, the full— full— um, the full something.”

“Ah,” said Aziraphale.

“Paid for it and everything.”

“Will wonders never cease.”

“Not as long as you keep coming on picnics with me. That’s the wonder, right there. I mean. Ngh.”

Crowley punctuated this last statement with a particularly flamboyant flip of his blade, clearly intended to demonstrate that he was a cool, unconcerned demon who didn’t say emotional things, let alone have emotions.

The move ended with Crowley empty-handed, the knife dropping inelegantly onto the picnic blanket.

“I did that on purpose,” Crowley said.

Aziraphale didn’t comment. “In any case, the real wonder—”

“Don’t you dare,” Crowley threatened, picking up the knife again.

Aziraphale considered forging ahead with _the real wonder is you_ , then decided to have mercy on Crowley. For once. For now.

“The real wonder is the size of this melon,” he finished, innocently, instead. “Speaking of which, when are you going to cut it?”

“Monty!” Crowley proclaimed.

“Pardon?”

“The full _monty_!” Crowley elucidated. “Like Monty Python? Probably nothing like Monty Python, actually, that makes no sense. Hang on, can you have a _partial_ monty? What even _is_ a monty?”

“A Spanish card game, I believe,” Aziraphale said helpfully.

“Huh.” A beat. “Wait, that makes no sense either.”

“Not particularly,” Aziraphale conceded. “Now, the watermelon?”

Crowley twirled the knife.

Aziraphale frowned, suddenly suspicious. “Crowley? Do you know _how_ to cut a watermelon?”

“Erm.”

“You _don’t_!”

“Never exactly had a reason to learn, did I?” Crowley snapped.

Aziraphale didn’t bother hiding his amusement. “Well, I suppose now is your opportunity.”

“ _My_ opportunity?” All at once, Crowley looked very much like an evil demon. Adorably evil, but definitely evil. “You mean,” Crowley drawled, “ _your_ opportunity.”

Aziraphale’s entertainment vanished. “ _Mine?_ ”

“You’re the sword expert.”

“That’s hardly—”

Crowley was extending the knife, hilt — _handle_ — first. Reluctantly, Aziraphale took it, weighing it in his hand. He circled the melon, then knelt and tried to cut. The rind did not yield.

He rolled the melon over, searching for a weak spot, finding none.

“A flaming sword,” Aziraphale concluded, dignifiedly, “is very different from a watermelon knife.”

He returned the knife to the picnic basket.

They stared at the watermelon.

“All your hard work,” Aziraphale lamented. “The— the full poker, and we can’t even eat it.”

Crowley fidgeted. “Eh, the human way’s overrated anyhow.”

He glared at the watermelon. The watermelon abruptly found itself fully sliced.

Aziraphale smiled, and took a piece.

“Scrumptious,” he confirmed.

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt was “Wow, that is a ridiculously big watermelon. I love it."
> 
> Agh, I can't help it, I just love these dorks. Thanks for reading — I hope you enjoyed! And as usual, kudos and comments are seen and loved. :)


End file.
